I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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