Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
