maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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