Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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