we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
