Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
