chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize