Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
