That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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