After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
