It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
