nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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