Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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