I'm so fucking centered right now
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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