She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is Oprah even human
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