I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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