You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
