Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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