she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
