Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize