Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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