then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
