Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
