I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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