Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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