I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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