Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize
