I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he shaved USA in his pubs
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i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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