break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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