Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
