in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
