my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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