my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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