Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
