You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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