did you get engaged???
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
