well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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