I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
