It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
