my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
