More tranny stories later!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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