What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
