"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
