Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
