When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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