I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
