Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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