Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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