what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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