I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
