farters have to be the big spoon...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she peed on how many people?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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