dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
