whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
