i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
