Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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