I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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