So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
