if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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