Pregnant stripper...not hot.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
And then he peed in my hair
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