I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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