there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
