We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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