i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
