I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
