woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
