They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
