Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
