grandma shit on top of the toilet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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