I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
