I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
