He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
