Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am naked and annoyed.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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