make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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