you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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