Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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